No point waiting now. Because its over even before it started. More possibly it was my fault for thinking too much. For wishing too much. For hoping too much. Maybe i just wanted too much out of you.
ButI can't help myself. I tried to forget and I tried to move on. Nothing works that way anymore. The heart tries to be strong but its crumbling. How silly of me to give my love to you like loose change when all I'll ever be to you is like a bad penny in the rain.
Maybe I should have given up a long time ago instead of trying harder. Then maybe I wouldn't shed these tears. I'm chained to the ground and I can't get up. Its like both our worlds crashing down upon me. I can keep on wishing for fairytales but then I'll just be lying to myself. And I'm done with that. I'm done with alot of things.
I told myself that I want to change. I did, I told myself. but I keep falling to the same trap. I'm not stupid and I'm not helpless. But I continue to do so. This time, its enough.

This is my imaginary goodbye to someone who never should have been a part of my life.

some girls, have everything you've ever dreamed of.
some girls, have the kind of love you'd only see in fairytales.
some girls, dont have a moment to stop and ask themselves if they're lonely.
some girls, have promises of forever.
some girls, dont even have the time to doubt about themselves.
some girls, smile to themselves when they read a text.
some girls, have butterflies in their stomach.

i'll never be that girl.
i'll never be the one you're waiting for.
i'll never be the one who stops doubting.
i'll never get that promise of forever.
i'll never stop smiling when i think of you.
i just killed all the butterflies in my stomach.

thank you cs.
you're a friend indeed.

i just broke my own heart with false hope and lies.

its never going to happen.

TEAM HITSUGAYA FTW!
i hate how i have to wait every week. and every week leaves me with a cliff hanger. damnit.

anyhow. last two days was feast galore. like crazy. buffet at Carousel. AMAZING. haha. i think i ate 5 days worth of food. that was omg. oh so good. esp the bread and butter pudding. best i ever had.
pictures will be up soon. if i wasn't so lazy.

yesterday we went shopping for cousin. meeting him again on monday. bought him 4 shirts at 50 bucks. haha. cheap stuff. went to Hog's Breath with awesome dinner cause the steak was damn good la. omg. huge and good. and expensive.

karaoke was the best.

pictures up real soon!

here's to all my ex boyfriends who owe me money.
how about returning them?
knn.

OH THE WHOLE OF MAY.

so remember the day where i was talking about tanning and big purchases? well, overdue pictures.


i look slimmer eh?

anyway, so i went to my mother's new/old workplace. same difference anyway. and i saw this warthog ornament. and i tell you. this animal has some big balls.

you can't beat balls made out of silver.


puff-a-fish.


just because this looks shit assed cute.


everyone, meet cousin Andrew.


chocs from NZ. but please be forewarned. cause explicit content ahead.



seriously one of the best i've ever eaten.


jess has a thing for using an elephant nose to clean her nose and using a ladybug mirror to check if its clean.



complete 60s flashback. mcm flashdance.


assulted by a ikea octopus.
kaira!
i buy this one for you and send it to auckland?
since you never bring the one i buy for you the other timeee.

i've been told that a cheater is always a cheater.
i've got my pride and she's got you.

CURRY FISH HEAD ANYONE?

i have yet to do anything fun in a long while. so this might come as a shocker to you.

last night, Jane, Ross and I crashed my aunt's condo. haha. we were supposed to meet at about 8plus? haha. but i ended up meeting them at about 10plus. blame it on christie's lack of direction. because its really that bad. even with GPS. so we went into to pool only about almost eleven. the bestest thing on earth was that hte pool wasn't even that cold.

TEAM HITSUGAYA!

anyway. ate too much. played wii until the wee hours of the night. watch cartoons while Ross slept and singing to the theme songs of cartoon and Disney channel shows. HAHA. drove all the way to Kallang for breakfast at 4 in the morning. which was good breakfast. should do this again sometime. because the company was great. now i have to go find the many pictures that me and my cousins took at One Fullerton.

next friday would be a day of trigger happy.

my hair is in a mess. my fringe is all over my face. maybe its something cool. i dont know. i shouldn't have looked at sherilyn's pics on facebook because they make me crave for ikea food. the best-est thing everrrr.

i have too much time in my hands and i spend them all lazing around. probably the reason why i put on weight. omg. fat!

things that would prob perk me up tomorrow.
white choc mocha. iced since the weather is so hot now.
iced lemon tea. must see if 7-11 got promotion or not.
shakthee.
cousin and having dinner with him. oh how amazing cousins are.
class ends early tomorrow. as it always does.

test on tuesday. even though i have no school.
better be done with chapter 12 soon.

the reason why my blog is not interesting is because i dont have a life as of this moment.
need to find a bf or a job.
either way its just as satisfying.

amongst the things planned fr the holidays.
prawning.
zoo.
night safari.
SHOPPING. my cousin would love tt.
baking.
chilling.
oh life is so good.

just one night couldn't be so wrong.
you make me wanna lose control.

so i got the new Anita Blake comic. WHICH MAKES ME VERY HAPPY. which also means i have to wait for half a year for the next volume to come out. but this is one volume that made me love the moment i read it because it is now labeled mature content. meaning, its more gruesome. more blood and more words you obviously dont want your babies' first words to be. conisdering that i dont have the first few books of the Anita Blake series because they paperback version of it doesn't match the new one. OCD on my part but it's still alright. i have the laughing corpse on a novel but i have not got a chance to read it. cause everytime i see it i get emo because it doesn't look the same as the rest of my novels. time to save money and get the rest of the novels. at the mean time. i'm enjoying my graphic novel of the month!

had hong kong foos with CS today. and i tell you now ah. i miss HK as of now. all the amazing food there. if there wasn't swine flu, i think if i beg my mother hard enough, she'll agree to go with me.

okay. my mine reason of blogging is done for the day. HAHA.

soon it'll be the holidays.

i know its been years. but i miss the friend in you. its like everytime i talk to you now, i get dissed. like im not worth it. maybe im not. maybe, i just want to give this friendship another try. like i said. i missed the friend in you.

and i know i let you have all the power.
its like you're a drug.
its like you're a demon i can't face down.

i wont be down about losing my job. but kinda sad that i have to be supported by my mum after this.
this is a opportunity for me to have some time to rest until i start my career. yeah. to do things that i havent had a chance to do since i'm so busy with work. find time to go get drunk. go out and enjoy the crap out of myself. get a new hobby. help out with my aunt's new shop. hmmm. WHAT ELSE? go out with friends that i havent met in a long long time. yeah. good idea.

can people volunteer information as to what new hobby i should get?
maybe i should go for guitar lessons.
or imporve on skateboarding.
or.
I DONT KNOW.
too much time on my hands now.

if you keep talking, i'll keep listening.
if you keep walking, i'll keep following.
if you keep trying, i wont give up.
cause you're all i have now.
i dont know why but i can't help myself.
because when you're here, there's no one else.
my heart is consumed by you.
i know these feelings are way overdue.
i thought i tried.
but i know i havent tried enough.

i need a hug. maybe a huge one.
i just need to be enveloped.

it kinda sucks knowing that just cuase someone doesn't like you, they can get rid of you just like that.
just lost my job. not the bestest feeling in the whole wide world. i thought that i could keep it until i get to go to civil defence.
oh well.

not in the mood for much now.

and i'm counting down to june((:

so, off to see star trek last night. an impulse kind of thing with Ben. and the movie? WAS FUCKING AWESOME. wayyyyy better than X-men. and thats saying something since i'm always biased.

had cookies.
drinks.
alot of fun times.


okay. gushing now.

and. i can't believe that he is the first one i had a debate about X-men with and lost. FUCKING HELL. but hey. there were times i could have danced in my toes.

as much as i would like to say that things are getting better. i think we're going nowhere.

i want to go prawning! way better than fishing and getting the hook hooked on your ankle. haha. PRAWNING! cousin? can i go?

i want to go somewhere i've never been before. do things i've never done before. maybe take a random bus trip. drop off at some random place. and discover that new random place. okay. FUN.

the heart just can't stop beating.
i can't stop breathing.
i dont know whats going on.

okay, this is for kaira cause the tagboard will be too small and i never seem to catch her online.

i wish you were here too. )): i got so much to tell you. like. alot of things. i miss you and i want to give you a huge hug. is it possible through cyberspace?
that one was for the tagboard. haha.

i think its better to tell you in point form no? so here it goes.

• he came back from taiwan ytd. you know who he is.
• he offered to pick me up from school tomorrow. so i bet you can hear me scream all the way in auckland.
• and i hope that you're protected against the yucky flu.
• need me to send masks over? i think i can steal some from school.
• i'm still learning how to make oreo cheesecake for you.
  
• its failing really badly by the way.
• i miss you kaira.
  
• and if i say i miss you anymore i bet im going to cry again.
  
• it feels different here without you.
• i miss your rants about that ace fella who i bet just became uglier.
• i hope you're taking good care and eating something else other than instant noodles.
• kill the mental patient person for me. cause they scare me.
  
• please continue breathing and stay strong!
• and i miss you.

i'm still trying hard to save money kaira!

THANK THE SWEET LORD AND LL THINGS THAT ARE HOLY.

HE'S FINALLY HOME. ND PICKING ME UP FROM SCHOOL TOMORROW. THIS IS BEEN THE BEST WEEK SO FAR.

okay, diagnostic imaging is a challenge so far. never mind, lets just talk about the past few days cause i seem to be missing from cyberspace since tuesday. which is almost a week.

so thursday was the day for tanning. which didnt work out that well since the sun was hidden by the clouds that looked damn ominous. but my new bikini made me feel happy. there are stars and hearts and rainbows on them. but thats besides the point. singapore needs to stop raining soon. and give me some sun so i can get darker! so payday was on thursday. THANK GOD FOR THAT. cause that landed me in a major shopping spree. spending alot of money in less than an hour. so i got myself a new bra. a new top which i love. a new hat. HELLO FEDORA! i finally have you in my arms. a new necklace. new earrings. two pairs of new shoes in two days. and so, now i'm broke. thank god for a back up plan. now my feet hurt and thats just random. and shakthee's lucky cause her boyf gets to come back after just one week in taiwan cause of the swine flu. when he's supposed to be there for a year. so hopefully ben has to come back soon too.

okay, here's the pan for now purchases. haha. one comic a month. one top a month. i shoe every 3 months. my mother is so going to freak at that. a new bra every month. i think. by the end of the year, the amount of clothes i have. is going to make my closet burst at the seems.

i am hungry. subway is going to open in school soon!
ALRIGHT!

alright, im off to get some food now and i'll be right back to complete what i've started. i need to post pics up here but i'm just too damn lazy to do them. HAHAH. die la.

i am the happiest girl in the world to now what IVAN is in school too! yes, he is the one other guy who is not famous that can make me hyperventilate the way i'm too used to doing.

and i found out that ahmad and andrew are in the same class and chicken rice is still swimming in my stomach. and now i'm not typing in paragraphs cause i'm doing too many things at one that firefox decides to not give a shit about my spell check. i have no balls to register la. die die die. see la. say other people no balls then i myself dont have. BLOODY FUCKING HELL.

okay. i'm going to shut up now.

my heart can't take much.

oh, time to start working on my new song.
first song alrd up on LJ. and i really need to shit
2 songs? DIE LA.